Sermon Follow-Up: Prodigal Children And Aging Parents

This morning at North Anderson, we continued our sermon series through the Ten Commandments with a sermon on honoring parents from Exodus 20:12, which states, “Honor your father and your mother so that you may have a long life in the land that the Lord your God is giving you”

The sermon can be found here - https://www.northandersonbaptist.com/media/gv53bvn/honoring-your-parents

In the message, we highlighted God’s command to honor our parents as children who are under their authority and as adults who aren’t, as well as what that command means.
In this sermon follow-up, I’d like to take a few moments to deal with a couple of subjects that we simply didn’t have time to cover in this morning's sermon.

The first, how parents of adults who are not walking with their Lord are to understand what has happened and what role they now play in the life of their “prodigal” child, and secondly. How do we best honor our parents as they age.

Let’s dive in.

Let’s say that you’re a parent who (though imperfectly) did your level best to model Christ for your child, raise them in the fear and admonition of the Lord, and give them a solid Christian upbringing…yet now as adults…they are living in rebellion. They are not walking with the Lord and are unengaged in His church.

If that’s your story, please know that you are not alone.

In fact, not only are there many fellow adult parents all around you who can sympathize with your pain. A quick glance at your Bible will inform you that parents like you have been dealing with this particular kind of heartache for centuries now.

Listen: It's entirely possible that a great child can come from terrible parents and it's also entirely possible for great parents to have terrible children.

Think of Eli.

Eli was the High Priest of Israel and also a judge. Yet, his sons Hophni and Phinehas were corrupt priests who abused their power.

There's David.

David, a man after God’s own heart also knew the grief that accompanies children who do not walk in righteousness. His son Amnon raped his half-sister Tamar and his son Absalom rebelled against his father and attempted to overthrow him.

There’s also Samuel the prophet and judge who served God faithfully. His sons, Joel and Abijah, were appointed as judges but accepted bribes.

Don’t forget that Cain was murderous and Abel was righteous, but they were raised by the same parents.

We could go on and on here.

What I want you to realize is that while parents can (and should) do all that can be done to serve as a model of righteousness before the watching eyes of their children, ultimately, our children have the freedom to make their own decisions, and they will.

So, while it’s a heartbreaking and gut-wrenching thing, it’s possible for very wayward children to come from wonderful Christian homes.

How should adults respond to prodigal adult children?

I think the most appropriate and helpful passage of scripture to aid us in understanding how to best serve wayward children is the familiar parable of the Prodigal son in Luke 15.

The Bible records how the prodigal son left his home and squandered his inheritance through loose living and unrighteous behavior.

There’s no doubt in my mind that this father truly longed for his son’s return. I imagine he often asked people around town about his son to see if anyone had news. I'll bet that he scanned the horizon daily in hope of seeing his son return. He undoubtably prayed for his son often and felt compassion for his son and what he was enduring, even though it was a consequence of the son’s own sinful actions.

Yet, it should be noted that there’s no indication of the father coming to his sons rescue or bailing him out of the situation that he had put himself into. The story, as I read it, implies a trust in the sovereignty and providence of God that brought a peace about it all to his soul, even in the midst of his tears.

I think that there is an invaluable lesson for the parents of prodigals in that.

You know how the story unfolds, and I won’t exposit it in detail here. The wayward son comes to his senses in the middle of a pig pen. He determined to return home to beg his father for forgiveness and permission to live as a servant.

Yet, as he returns with his tail tucked between his legs, we see the father run to his son, throws his arms around him and kisses him (Luke 15:20).

A prideful father would have stood his ground and watched each humbling step the son took to reach him, forcing him to feel the weight of his sins. Not this one. Overcome with emotion, he rushes to meet him and embraces his beloved son in his arms.

I think that this timeless parable gives parents with prodigal's invaluable instruction on they can best love and serve their children who aren’t walking with Jesus.

Though it’s hard to witness a child squandering his life way, there’s no needling or nagging on the father's part in this story. There’s no bail-out when the difficult reaping of what has been sown takes place. There are no demands or ultimatums that are made.

There’s simply a quiet trust in the goodness of God, a belief that the Lord hears the cries of hurting parents, a commitment to patience as he waited on the purposes of God to come to pass, and a reliance on the sometimes-hard providence of God to arrest the attention of the prodigal son.

Secondly, how do adult children honor their aging parents?

Let’s begin with a statement that clearly summarizes the Biblical ethic on the subject: Care and concern for aging parents is a God-honoring and fitting expression of the Christian faith.

In fact, the Apostle Paul said that to not provide for the elderly reveals a heart that is completely inconsistent with our faith and is worse than the secular inclinations of unbelievers (1 Timothy 5:8)

In the seventh chapter of Marks gospel, some Pharisees began to question Jesus about why His disciples weren’t keeping the traditions of their ancestors and Jesus said about the Pharisees who were quizzing Him, “These people honor me with their lips, but their heart is far from me. They worship me in vain, teaching as doctrines human commands” (Mark 7:6-7).

What was it about these Pharisees that provoked such a strong rebuke from our Lord?

You have a fine way of invalidating God’s command in order to set up your tradition! For Moses said: Honor your father and your mother; and Whoever speaks evil of father or mother must be put to death. But you say, ‘If anyone tells his father or mother: Whatever benefit you might have received from me is corban’” (that is, an offering devoted to God), “you no longer let him do anything for his father or mother. You nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down” - Mark 7:9-13
 
Did you catch that?

What specifically was it that spurned this cutting response from Jesus?

It was the way that they were dishonoring their parents.

When Jesus began by citing the words of Moses, He was referencing the way that the Old Testament commanded to children to honor their parents. When children are young and in their parent’s household, they are responsible before God to obey their parents. But even when they are no longer under their parents' authority and not obligated to responsible to obey, they are still responsible to honor their father and mother.

These Pharisees weren’t doing that.

These men had parents with needs that were going unmet and while they had the means to help, they simply weren’t doing so.

Because of their actions, Jesus considered these men to be hypocrites who honor the Lord with their lips but not with their lives.

Let me take this a step further: How seriously did Jesus consider the matter of caring for aging parents to be?

Well, on the cross, in his last hour, He was concerned to make sure His aging mother was cared for and asked his friend John to do it for him.

I could cite passage after passage from both the Old and New Testaments that speak to the importance of tenderly caring for aging parents. So, the question, “Do I have an obligation before God to care for my aging parent?” is a unnecessary, and quite frankly, silly one.

Of course, we do.

Simply put, one cannot simultaneously obey the command to “Honor your father and mother” and disregard them in their old age.

What does honoring aging parents look like?

In many ways, that’s going to look different for each family unit, depending upon the situation.

For example: For some, plans for an extra measure of care from an assistant who visits the home or through a residential facility have been long decided and just need to be acted upon. For others, those things must be figured out. In both ways, honor can and should be shown.

Another example of how showing honor looks different depending upon the situation is found in the fact that while some aging parents may be capable of living independently and desire to do so, others may be capable of living alone but do not desire to do so, for whatever reason. Honor can and should be shown in either of these situations.

Suffice it to say, there are many circumstances in which showing honor to aging parents is going to look different. Wisdom, discernment, and careful intentionality must be exercised in order to obey this commandment in regard to our aging parents.

Yet, there are a few ways in which we can show honor to them that are fitting and right, no matter the situation. This is not an exhaustive list of ways to honor aging parents, but rather a good starting place that I encourage you to think through and implement, if you haven’t already.

We can honor our aging parents by assuring them that they a blessing & not a burden to us
 “Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice.” - Proverbs 23:25

Being a parent of adult children brings about a unique set of challenges, not the least of which is navigating the role reversal that takes place with this season of life.
You see, in the not-so-distant past, it was the child who was dependent upon the parent. The parent had to ensure the child was adequately cared for. It was the parent who had to make sure the child’s needs were met. It was the parent who had the responsibility that the child was safe and secure.

Now, all of that has changed. The roles are reversed.

This can be especially difficult for aging parents to accept and for all parties to navigate.
Yet, even with the difficulty that certainly accompanies this season of life, honor can be shown through going to great lengths to ensure that caring for our parents in their time of need is not a burden that we begrudgingly bear, but a blessed responsibility that we have been entrusted with.

Aging parents have worked hard over the years to take care of us, and have made incredible sacrifices on our behalf, most of which we were never even made aware of. It’s only fitting that we do the same for them now, as they have needs and as we are able.

The great commentator, William Barcley once wrote, “The raising of children requires tremendous sacrifice, and it is only right that children make sacrifices for parents in return.”

We can honor our aging parents by regular and thoughtful communication
 “Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.” - Proverbs 23:22

It probably could go without saying, but just in case: By the time our parents are of the age to begin needing our care, life has become incredibly busy for us.

There’s a temptation in this season of life when our schedules have never been fuller to try to justify a lack of communication by saying, “I’m just too busy”.

If that’s you, I am going to take the risk of sounding a little crass here but get over yourself.

If the Son of the living God was thinking about taking care of His aging mother as He was, literally, saving the world, rearranging your schedule so that you may regularly commune with and communicate with aging parents is not too tall a task!

Now, I realize that we live in a transient culture and it’s likely, if not probable, that you don’t live in close proximity to your aging parents but with the access to avenues communication such as cell phones or facetime, there’s simply no excuse for not honoring your parents by regularly engaging in conversation with them.

We can honor aging parents by reminding them of their dignity
 “You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord.” - Leviticus 19:32

As already mentioned, those who are aging often refuse help or care because they don’t want to feel like a burden. They are aware that the other people in their lives are busy, and they may even be embarrassed about having someone help with their needs. Showing our aging parents that they are valued and respected so much that not only do we not mind helping out, but we are grateful for the opportunity to do so helps to preserve their dignity.

We can honor our aging parents by meeting physical needs, as they arise and as we are able
“Support widows who are genuinely in need. But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them learn to practice godliness toward their own family first and to repay their parents, for this pleases God. The widow who is truly in need and left all alone has put her hope in God and continues night and day in her petitions and prayers…But if anyone does not provide for his own family, especially for his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” – 1 Timothy 5:3-5,8

While honoring our parents is more than provision, it’s not less than provision.

The record of the New Testament bears out the fact that Christian sons and daughters are responsible for the care of widows and, as the text expands it, of their helpless parents and grandparents. John MacArthur writes, “Children owe a debt to those who brought them into the world, clothed them, fed them, housed them, supported them, and loved and nurtured them”

It seems reasonable that just as parents have had the God given responsibility to provide for their young children, children have the God given responsibility to provide for their old parents. This obligation like all obligations, this one is made joyful by the gospel.

Now to be sure, this obligation does not necessarily extend to needs that have risen due to sinful activity on our parents' part such as poor stewardship or foolish behaviors. The law of the harvest, reaping what has been sown...doesn't cease with age.

Yet, I do believe the scriptures dictate that when our aging parents are in legitimate need and we are able to do so, we can and should honor them through financial assistance.

Woe to the man who purchases a new bass boat as his father’s power is being cut off.

Finally, we can honor our aging parents by living honorable lives
 “My son, keep your father's commandment, and forsake not your mother's teaching.” - Proverbs 6:20

I think the best way to honor aging parents is to live a righteous, upright, God-honoring lives ourselves.

I don’t think that there’s anything that would honor my mother, my late father, or my stepfather more than being the kind of person that they can be proud of. I mean, is that not the prayer of every father and mother as they hold their baby for the first time? That this baby will grow to become a great man or woman of God? We can honor our aging parents by fulfilling that hope by living honorable lives.

There’s so much more that I could add to this, but you’ve been reading long enough!

Please know that I don’t write as an expert here. I haven’t always gotten this right, will not get this perfect in the future, and I acknowledge that I'm a work in progress. Just as I, like all of us, fell short at times in showing honor to my parents as a child, I still fall short in this as an adult. Yet by grace, I’ll strive to grow in how I honor my parents. I hope you’ll commit to the same. It’s only fitting.

In Christ Alone,

Pastor DK 

Let me close with five simple ways in which you can honor your aging parents TODAY
1. Tell Them You Love Them
2. Express Gratitude To Them Often
4. Listen to Their Concerns
5. Ask Them for Their Opinion
6. Speak Well of Your Parents In Public And In Private

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